December 9, 2015
On June 12, 2014 I received the most beautiful gift I could imagine after having an emotionally draining day.
I had had an awful day! Everything that could go wrong, did. I was recovering from a broken rib but still giving riding lessons. On this particular day it was incredibly windy, I was riding bareback because I could not yet lift my saddle and I was riding near the side of the arena where we have a dumpster. The dumpster lid flew up and hit the fence, sending my horse into panic mode. He flew sideways and I came off, landing on my back and hitting my head. After that fun, I went inside and it seemed that every nitpicky thing a husband could say to you, was said to me by mine. I was exhausted and frustrated.
Since I had really been struggling with things and just really missing my son, I decided to take a nice long shower before bed; just to wash the stress away. While I was showering, I had an out loud conversation with God: Explaining my anger, unbelievable frustrations, my concerns, my worries; just basically a pity party for myself.
I get out of the shower, dry off and put my nighties on and get into bed with my phone. I'm just thinking and reading facebook posts and I see a light out of the corner of my eye (lights are off) and it's getting brighter. Then I hear, "Go towards the light." and in my head I say, "Oh hell no! I'm not ready!" Then I hear,” Trust Me, Go". After thinking that over a bit, I felt confident I would be okay, and I let my mind go and I literally feel like I am sucked through a tunnel- it's whirly and whitish grey and it just keeps going and going. In a few moments I'm plopped into another room filled with blue and white, soft colors- clouds? My son is there! I just hugged him and hugged him, and I just felt so happy. While no words were spoken, I felt him say he loves us and we would get through this. I felt immense peace and happiness and calm. After a bit I just slid back.
At the time I thought I was going to be locked up, but then I still think that most days. Do I believe I received the gift of visiting with my son? HELL YEAH!
I've had this experience two more times since and each time, the peace and love I've felt were overwhelming.