Advice from a Medium.
When someone is experiencing a profound loss, we instinctively want to commiserate with them and often state that we know exactly how they feel- especially if we too have experienced deep loss.
Today I ask you to pause and rethink that approach. Refrain from telling them you know exactly how they feel. Why would I state that? I state that because the truth is, you don't know exactly how anyone feels. You know how YOU felt or would feel. You could never fully understand their pain from their eyes, and the beautiful thing is, you are not expected to.
The grieving process is unique for each of us due to our unique wiring; partial responsibility for that wiring is from our birth rite- what we were born to experience and how we decided we want to see the world, AND that unique wiring also comes from our own life experiences. So, no two people will experience grief the same. It is so important that you just be there and create a space for your loved one to be able to feel whatever it is they need to feel, without judgement on your part. JUST BE THERE.
I promise you; you cannot fix their pain with words. As much as we want to be able to do that for our loved ones, we can't. Grief is a very personal journey- one that cannot be rushed or fixed. So instead of trying to erase their pain, choose to be with them as they move through it. Your presence will mean more than any words ever could.
ADD ON: I want to note that this can empower you because so many people try so hard to say the right thing and there truly is no right thing, there's nothing that will fix or remove the pain. With that said, I share this; there are some things you should refrain from saying, such as, I know exactly how you feel. Don’t make their pain about you. Let them feel their loss, not yours. You can express that you don’t know what to say. I think that’s pretty fair and typically incredibly accurate. You can also do some things to help them. Take them to dinner, make dinner, help around the house, mow their yard, take out the garbage, run errands, take them to run errands. My friends took me to a concert shortly after my son passed and that night out singing and laughing, helped me more than any words ever could. So remember, acts of service, love, patience and support should be your go-to’s for helping others through the grief.
Thank you.